If+you+ever+hurt+her...

If You Ever Hurt Her

One of the things that people don't realize but private detective work is that its mostly just a lot of annoying little chores. Follow someone, take pictures of them violating their prenup, hand photos over to their ex, done. Most of the time, that's all you do. Sometimes you're hired to track someone or something down for someone. These are trickier, and messier than the divorce work. They can also be the most rewarding type of job. There's nothing like telling someone who's given up all hope that you've found their daughter. By the same token, there's nothing worse than telling someone that you couldn't find their kid, or worse, that you found them in a morgue with the initial's J.D. Still, it pays to do the occasional bit of retrieval work. Helps keep you sharp, forces you to improvise and think outside of the box. It also helps when you need to retrieve someone for your own reasons. Especially if the person in question doesn't want to be retrieved. That's why on this lovely Thursday morning, with the sun shining down on me, and the crisp fall wind blowing in my face, there happens to be a man in the trunk of my car. Don't worry, he's not dead. Well, he was alive when I put him in there, so I'm taking his vitality as a given. Knowing things is integral to being a detective, not so much intelligence, not that that hurts, but stupidity isn't as crippling as ignorance. Any information can be useful, whether its something you overhear in a conversation or a little detail that doesn't mesh with everything else. Information gives you options, and options give you power. Another little perk of the job is that you often times learn the most important things, the things that can save you when everything else has gone wrong, while on a case. For example, a couple years ago I was hired by a man to track down the person who killed his daughter. After I had retrieved the piece of filth, I was given a location to take this person, someplace out of the way and secluded. The perfect location for a good old fashioned disappearance. It takes me a while to get to the location, but like I said, it's a beautiful day, and I've got a playlist to help enhance my enjoyment of the scenery. I don't get out of the city very often, not that I'm complaining. I love the city, but it's nice to get out and take in nature. Besides, it gives me an opportunity to finally listen to the road trip playlist Chris made for me. Chris, with the leather jacket and the Harley, always looking to the horizon. I take my time getting there, not wanting to attract any attention. Still, it takes only two hours to get to the spot. It's a wooded area, thick with trees and bushes and wildlife. The only way to reach it is by a dirt road that is almost impossible to see from the road. You have to be looking for it. At the end of the road is a small clearing. A quiet, private venue for discussion. Once we're there, I park the car on the far side of the clearing, right next to a bunch of trees. I get out, throw my jacket into the backseat, and go around to the trunk. He's still right where I left, still breathing too. "Hello, Mathew. Its nice to meet you." The duct tape over his mouth and around his hands prevent him returning my greeting, so I take the initiative and take on his hands in a firm, but hopefully not intimidating handshake. Then I drag out of the truck by his legs. Mathew Charles Todd is a big man. Even underneath his suit, it's obvious that he works out. Of course, large men do not respond well to chloroform, just like anyone else. He's well groomed, with manicured hands and nice hair. He's handsome too, with big, blue eyes and the kind of smile that draws in a lot of friends and a lot of phone numbers. Over all, he's your typical lawyer. Nice to look at, more charming than the Devil, and so very aware of it. "Now, we haven't been formally introduced, but I figure Christine has told you about me. We go back a ways, Chris and me. Grew up together, went to school together, even end up working together sometimes. and to be honest, I've always held a bit of torch for her, even though I know she thinks of me only as a friend. Really, all I want is for her to be happy. Which is what brings us here." Mathew doesn't say anything, not that anything he said could be understood through the tape. Instead, he just watches me like a man face to face with a Bengal tiger. Trying to figure out what exactly he needs to do to avoid having his throat ripped out. Or in this case, having his throat slit and being buried in the woods. I give him my sweetest smile and continue. "When Chris told me that she was getting engaged, I was naturally curious about the man she was planning on marrying. So I did some research. I'm a private detective in case you didn't know. Finding things out about people, especially things they don't want being known, is kind of an integral aspect of the job. It didn't take me long to find out about the assault charge from your college days. I even managed to find some hospital pictures of the girl you hurt. I imagine she was quite the knockout before you...well, knocked her out. You were really quite lucky that you're daddy was able to make it go away." Despite his carefully crafted tan, Mathew turns sheet white. His eyes glaze over a bit, he's pretty certain he's about to die. Good. I want him to be bit nervous. "Even more luckily, I wasn't able to find any similar incidents in your past. I'm going to assume this is because you learned from your mistakes, rather than you just getting better at evading scrutiny. Unfortunately, I also happened to uncover the affair you're having behind Chris' back. With a Ms. Tara Sheffield. A very beautiful woman I must admit." Mathew's green now, and he looks like he's about to cry. Or wet himself, one or the other. I give him a reassuring pat on the cheek, just let to let him know that thing's don't have to end badly. "So as you can see, you've left me with a dilemma. My first thought upon discovering these and other sordid little secrets you've kept away from Chris, was to kill you. But Chris is in love with you, for better or for worse. And I can't be responsible for causing her unhappiness, even if its over a worm like you. Because of this, I'm going to offer you a deal. Does that sound nice?" Seeing his chance at salvation, Mathew nods with great enthusiasm. So much so, that he causes himself to topple over. While it would be amusing to have him staring at my shoes, and conversely the shovel lying on the ground behind, it would make negotiation difficult. So I set him back up on his knees. "Here's the deal, Mathew. I'm not going to murder you. In fact, I'm going to cut you loose and give you a ride back into the city. In exchange, I'm going to need a couple favors. First, as soon as you get back home, you're going to meet up with Chris and tell her everything. Every little detail you've neglected to tell her, no matter how insignificant. I'm also going to ask that you not to tell her about this conversation. I know its hypocritical to ask you to confess with one breath and then to conceal with another. But I can live with being a hypocrite. Finally and most importantly, you're going to promise me that, if she decides to keep you after your confession, that you'll be the perfect husband." He nods his head furious, and makes some muffled noises that I presume to mean "I promise". "If you renege on our agreement, there'll be consequences. If you don't tell her everything you've been lying about, I'll know. If you ever do anything to hurt her, physically or emotionally, I'll know. If I see her hiding bruises or broken bones, I'll pick you up, just like I did today. This clearing will be the second place I'll take you. The first place I'll take you will be underground and professionally sound proofed. Do you understand?" Mathew goes white again, but he manages to pull of a shaky nod. I give him a big grin, and pull out a knife. His eyes bug out, so large I'm almost afraid they'll pop out of his skull. He calms down after I remove the duct tape. Mathew Charles Todd stands up shakily and looks at me, still scared. I flash one more grin, just to make certain that he thinks I'm a psychopath, and extend my hand. "My name's Peter. Nice to finally meet you, Mathew. Chris has told me everything about you."